| New livejournal! |
[20 Nov 2002|02:46pm] |
ATTENTION!
I made a new livejournal for more private purposes. You can find out my new username within my locked journal entry.
|
|
|
[19 Nov 2002|01:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
psychotically lost it. |
] |
I have a lot of love and guns to share. This journal is going into friends-only.
If it comes down to it I'll probably try an' get a new journal or something. I'm tired of this 'blooper' name.
You dun wanna read -- hurry up and get me the fuck out of your list.
*dances in circles*
|
|
| Your signs are pointing to nowhere -- and no one that I know. That's all you care to show. |
[19 Nov 2002|12:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Your Signs" - Nonpoint |
] |
"Gotta make the list of what is best; gotta make the fist and beat against!"
For a moment I felt everything sink inside me when I read a certain journal entry -- I think that's just being me. Despite what happened I still seem to hold a certain amount of heavy sympathy.. the cost of having a heart.
But then I read Dan's journal entry (it's okay you used my journal, baby ;>) and I was once again put into place by the entry and the comments that came along with it from Totkuk (thank you Kuku.. I can always trust you being on our side ;_;) and crimsondrummer (I dunno who you are.. but thanks for the comment :)).
I'm sick of the whole 'he said she said'. Being stuck between two stories is sickening. It comes down to one thing.. who would lie to me?
I made my choice.
|
|
| Hey folks |
[19 Nov 2002|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irate |
] |
Hey yo yo. It's Jessie's man, Kawny posting this on her journal 'cuz she has more friends on her list than I do but I have to put this out because I'm trying to keep her and my names from being slandered across the internet! YAY! So.. if you'll just click on my li'l name up there or the cheetah at the bottom and read my latest entry you'll see the truth about a situation that will most likely be blown out of proportion. Note that unless you know who the person is I'm talking to/about then you'll probably just stare at it like 'huh?' so if it makes no sense, don't worry about it. As I said, it's the simple truth to remedy a lie.
Oh and fair warning there is some strong language and colorful metaphors used so viewer discretion is advised.
And sorry for using your journal, Jessie, but I think you understand. ;)
|
|
| >_<; |
[14 Nov 2002|11:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Sweet Child O' Mine" - Guns N' Roses |
] |
This day was absolutely crazy. Just.. crazy.
After a good day of just relaxing I realize there was a knock on my door. After peering through the hole, I saw it was my ex-boyfriend Joe. I went back to my chair and sat down but after five minutes of slamming on my door I finally got irritated and opened it.
Note this everyone -- Joe is a jerk. We broke for two reasons.. one, he cheated on me; two, he was physically and mentally abusive. Ever since our break-up he's been trying to get me back in the worst possible ways: stalking, sending me threats such as 'I'm gonna rape you then kill you', calling me, etc. It's been driving me and Dan crazy.. I tell him constantly I'm engaged and he just doesn't listen.
Today he told me he can't live without me -- can't breathe without me. And after continously telling him "no" he fell to his knees. That's when I lost my nerves and told him to "fuck off and leave me alone". Rising to his feet he rose his hand at me and then told me he was going to come back..
Scary. He doesn't even LOOK like Joe anymore. He has that psychotic gleam within his eyes that just tells you there's something wrong. I just lost myself. I couldn't even type straight when I logged back on Demi Haze... I was shaking so bad. I have NO IDEA what that guy is capable of.. fuck, I wouldn't be surprised if he brought a gun next time.
Nerve-struck Jason came over immediatly while Dan and my friends calmed me down.
After talking to Dan on the phone, crap began to come down on DH. A lot of Administration junk. That just broke my nerves even more. I had THAT to deal with and I just about had it. Luckily, we're beginning to solve everything.
I'm just losing it.. period >_<; thank Gaia for Jason.. he's been keeping me sane. I hardly eat anymore so my drive has been far less than normal.. luckily I'm able to get one meal per day.
Frick.. these are one of those times I could use Dan's arms to hold me. I miss them.
Thanks to those for being there.. thanks to those who just even put a smile on my face.
*CLINGS*
Yahoo is retarded -_- now this program is screwing up. I got yer invite, Kari.
|
|
| ...GRR. |
[14 Nov 2002|08:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 intimidated |
] |
To those who think I'm only marrying Dan to get out of my Mom's house..
Fuck you.
I accepted the ring long before problems began happening so guess what? I don't give a shit what you think.
.... Those who support us, loves! :D
|
|
|
[13 Nov 2002|04:27pm] |
|
Actually Jason, no there isn't.
|
|
| OMGwheee! |
[13 Nov 2002|02:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"I Touch Myself" - Divinyls |
] |
I'm in such a happy mood! So cheerful! Karna is back and he's slapping the programs I WANT and need. Not to mention he did my pinfo in 10 minutes.. he also created this mentor program so that players can gain level and points through roleplay. YAY!! (@minfo and @mstudents) ... Gaia I love this guy XD he's such a genius. Demi Haze is gonna have programs that no one has ever SEEN on a MUCK.
This song doesn't help either. It's so happy and.. whee! :D Dan's journal entries have been lifting me too ^_^ this song is for you baby!! I love you ^^
Oh yeah.
I love myself..
I want you to love me.
When I'm feelin' down..
I want you above me.
I search myself..
I want you to find me.
I forget myself..
I want you to remind me.
I don't want anybody else!
When I think about you..
I touch myself.
I don't want anybody else!
Oh no, oh no, oh no!
You're the one who makes me happy, honey.
You're the sun who makes me shine..
When you're around I'm always laughing.
I want to make you mine!
I close my eyes..
And see you before me.
Think I would die!
If you were to ignore me.
A fool could see..
Just how much I adore you.
I get down on my knees.
I'd do anything for you!
I don't want anybody else!
When I think about you..
I touch myself.
I don't want anybody else!
Oh no, oh no, oh no!
I love myself..
I want you to love me.
When I'm feelin' down..
I want you above me.
I search myself..
I want you to find me.
I forget myself..
I want you to remind me.
I don't want anybody else!
When I think about you..
I touch myself.
I don't want anybody else!
Oh no, oh no, oh no!
I want you!
I don't want anybody else.
And when I think about you..
I touch myself.
Ooh, oooh, oooooh, aaaaaah!
I don't want anybody else!
When I think about you..
I touch myself.
I don't want anybody else!
Oh no, oh no, oh no!
|
|
| ... |
[11 Nov 2002|01:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Full of Grace" - Sarah McLachlan |
] |
The winter here's cold and bitter,
It's chilled us to the bone.
We haven't seen the sun for weeks,
Too long, too far from home.
It feels just like I'm sinking,
And I claw for solid ground.
I'm pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.
If all of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place.
I know I can love you much better than this:
Full of grace, Full of grace, my love.
It's better this way,
I said,
Haven't seen this place before.
Where everything we say and do,
Hurts us all the more.
It's just that we stayed too long
In the same old sickly scheme,
And I'm pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
and, oh, darkness, I feel like letting go.
If all of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place
I know I can love you much better than this:
Full of grace, full of grace.
I know I can love you much better than this.
It's better this way.
I hate my scanner -_-
|
|
|
[07 Nov 2002|01:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
scared |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Torn Apart" - Stabbing Westward |
] |
I had an intense dream last night.. lately I've been having dreams of this very pale blonde girl dressed in white. I don't why.. she's just very freaky looking.
Anyhow. I was in a area of just blackness and I saw this white girl kicking someone. This yellow ball passes me and I run upward to push the girl away and help the person she's beating on. There, staring up at me was me as a little girl.. merely 6-7 yrs of age, all bloodied and torn up. I look at the white girl and she tells me..
"You can fear me and die. Or.. you can embrace me and walk on."
And that was it. It.. kind of scares me.
What sexy girl are you
brought to you by Quizilla
|
|
| Heh. |
[06 Nov 2002|12:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Ruiner" - Nine Inch Nails |
] |
This was incredibly creepy. I had the worst day yesterday and it drug out today, but while I was sitting down in the living room after Mom left me all these songs played together in a row. I don't know.. it felt like they were talking to me which is the oddest thing. It made me laugh and cry.
I love music. Hands down. So Sivade, hush. ;)
( Read more... )
|
|
| Here we go again. Demi Haze. |
[03 Nov 2002|04:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rejuvenated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Just Like A Pill" - Pink |
] |
Yup, me an' the staff decided to shutdown Demi Haze in maintenence mode so we can fix everything. Redo the map, fix some programs (once I find a programmer that works! ;_;), do the news files, make everything more purdy.. and... fix our RP structure!
We go through the structure of RP is all freebased. Rely on players and groups for their own plots and twist.. every now and then we'll have some big dramatic one.. but.. it's all up to them. :D I can't wait.. that way no one has to wait around for RP >_>
FCs are nice but they're not that important. I need to cast a Viasa for King Razor so there's that sibling thing going on.. ;_; I miss you, Kuku.
Things kinda screwed up on this chapter. So.. we're fixing it. :)
|
|
|
[31 Oct 2002|05:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 horny |
] |
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Need my Kawny >_>
|
|
| Pic! ^^ Teh_Safi and Kawny. |
[30 Oct 2002|02:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Burn" - Mad At Gravity (Kawny song! Whee! Thanks Ryn ^^) |
] |
Mree. I can't believe I actually was able to upload this!! My scanner is still hell but I at least got this in ^^ It's a pic of me and Dan (Kawny/Kesh'ra to y'all XD) on our date at the Venetian. This beautiful hotel is soley dedicated to Venice where they also have boat rides available! Dan, being a sweetheart, he got us a boat and we were urged to kiss underneath each bridge to and back (a tradition for good luck).. since there's 10 bridges, that equals to 20 smooches 8D~ whoo! Our "host" on the boat actually sang to us halfway through the ride ^^ our reaction when he reached his highest note: '>_O' He was loud but damn his voice was good ^^ purely Italian.
That was a nice night. We had dinner, Godiva chocolates, browsing the Strip.. he even danced with me at this cute little fountain place near the MGM Hotel/Casino. *^__^* It was truly one of the most romantic nights I will never forget. We were so happy.
|
|
|
[19 Oct 2002|04:51pm] |
HAPPY BIRHTDAY SHAHANIFOO!!!
Your gift is gonna be late since my lack of computer.. but.. bare with me o_o;;
|
|
|
[19 Oct 2002|03:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
I'm loving this week ^_^ it's been so much fun being with Dan and Jason.. I just hate to see it end soon :(
Oh well! I almost got a whole week left.. so I'm just gonna spend every second with teh_Kawny. I forced him to watch Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back... I'm sorry.. but I find that whole movie quite amusing and the chicks in the latex scene is quite sexy.. mm-hmm o_o That movie isn't quite as off as Kung-Pow! however.. that was just.. o_@;;;
"I am Musufasa!"
... riiiiight.
Anyhow. We went swimming last night and that was fun.. it's a heated pool so it was nice ^^ Pretty much we spent time throwing eachother in the water and splashing and kicking like children.. everyone around must've thought we were odd or something because they were staring at us. Jason didn't join because he seemed to have caught this cold me and Dan caught.. it's what we called "The Nazi Cold" because it's horrible ~_o;; .. augh.
Not much to type... just wondering how's everyone doing out there :) I splash you all with safi-slime.
|
|
| ........ wow. I do mean.. wow. o_o |
[18 Oct 2002|04:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 geeky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jason says, "Who's yo daddy?!" remix |
] |
 |
Villains fear me.
Heroes envy me.
Blooper is...
The Neato-Keen-Supercool
Stalker
|
</center>
I found that amusing. I'm gonna stalk you. *LOOM* *_* *LEER*
Kawny advises you take heed to this 'cuz she stalked the hell outta me o.o
LKHVGKJFGJKLVBFILHGSXBFSDF. He's the one who told me "I love you" over the phone three times before I actually picked it up >_> .. who got WHO now? XD;;
Kawny notes that the reason behind the aforementioned statement is because *a-ahem* SHE'S TOO DAMN SHY TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! .... that is all.
We are quite entertaining. I'm sure Jason doth agree and the rest of you.
Kanzeil (a.k.a. Jason): o.o;;.....-=twitch=- Can you believe I have had to deal with this the past few days o.o;;.....
Kawny says, "You're the one who's been leaving your crap in our hotel room like you're a roomie!"
*and the two start wrestling around hollering obsceneties at each other in the background*
..................... <_< ................ I don't know them.
...
I'm gonna eat now.
|
|
| Up-2-Daterz |
[18 Oct 2002|01:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nerdy |
] |
Maaaaan o_X;; all week me, Dan, an' Jason haven't been going to bed until 4AM. Half the time because we're roleplaying or somewhere out in the town. Jason recently has been staying with us at the Budget Suites.. making our time quite entertaining.
Bah. Finally getting over my cold. My immune system was fucked up for awhile.. now pretty much I'm just coughing up whatever I swallowed during it x_x;; eeww.
Damn I need to catch up!! It's so funky right now I'm spinning in circles. Got a hella great pic of Helios (meow!) and I'm in desperate need of a list of who got which rune on Demi Haze. Because.. I need to figure out what is what when I return so I'm not that much of a retard. c_c;; New layout for the webpage in mind.. gonna be using Senh's runes c_c;; I haven't heard from him in awhile.. wonder what he's up to.
Mrah! HEY! I got an unlimited phone-card so gimmie numbers! Maybe I'll drop a call or something. XD
Haha. Shoot me @_@;;;
|
|
| .. |
[13 Oct 2002|02:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"My December" - Linkin Park |
] |
It's nice to finally update this thing for once. And again, I don't know when my next one will be. :(
I've been to so many places these past three months it's ridiculous. My Grandmother went through this bad trip because of all the stress happenin' within the house (six children, two adults) and kicked me out. So I stayed with Amber and her fiancee (my future brother-in-law) Alan. Later she apologized to me on how she was acting.. but I frowned. I'm tired of this. My Mother was forcing to me stay in Hawaii because she didn't want me and neither did my Grandmother. That's the hardest thing to deal with.. being somewhere, even with your own family, and they want nothing with you. Over? Over that one little speed-bump me and Dan ran into in DC.
Amber (Cammy-O) .. Alan (Ant): You two have been so good to me. Even if I stayed little time where you are I had a blast with you both and I miss you terribly. It's so nice to regain the relationship I lost with her Amber :) you'll always be my big sister. And Alan.. can't wait to have you in the family! XD;
Kari: God -_- .. I miss you muchly more than anyone else. Tried getting a hold of you but the times I was free you weren't. That's okay. I just want you to know sweets how much I love you.. you're my other sister. It's not gonna be like last time though when I don't come for years... now that I have Amber and Alan, I can come whenever! Whee!
Davis: I appreciate how you kept my head up while I was low ^^ thank you, hon. You helped me through a lot while I was in Hawaii. I'm sorry I couldn't call :(
...
I'm sorry for leaving on short notice everyone -_- ... this has been a very stressful month for me. Next time when I visit Hawaii I'll be in much better terms.
Yeah. I'm in Vegas again.. to be blunt and short. The decision was a last minute second. What's the real trip..? My Mom doesn't even know I'm here. I've been staying in a hotel with Dan and pretty much been cruising and relaxing with Jason. This will be going on until the 23rd when I arrive back to her doorstep. I'm scared. But damn, I'm so determined my head hurts.
I've only been here for three days. But they've been good. I'm just terribly sick right now x_x; and tired. I drew lotsa sketches. I did the one of Shahila... WindStorm... Akeli and Safi hugging.. Safi and Kawny.. Aero.. Helios.. Senh'ai.. lots. I hope I can actually get my pics in for once >_<;
I miss everyone!! Dammit, I feel like a stranger when I'm on the computer :( .. I feel so out of touch. When I connected on Demi Haze while I was paying $5 an hour I felt so out of place. Even on any other MUCK, AIM, Yahoo.. everything @_o; .. it's kinda like a reminder the first time I left for that long period of time when I lost touch with Dan and everyone on TLK MUCK. ;-;
On happier notes, I'm gonna talk it over with Dan, but I'm thinking over the summer me and Dan are going to have our wedding. The BIG one. :D Ceremony, friends, family, flowers, everything. I found my dream gown already -- it's so simple yet so frickin' gorgeous *_* I tried it on and Alan almost busted into tears.
****
This is my December, This is my time of the year.
This is my December, This is all so clear.
This is my December, This is my snow covered home.
This is my December, This is me alone.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things that I said to you.
And I'd, Give it all away, Just to have somewhere to go home to.
Give it all away, To have someone to come home to.
This is my December, This is my snow covered tree.
This is me pretending, This is all I need.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things that I said to make you feel like that.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things that I said to you.
And i'd, give it all away, Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away, To have someone to come home to.
This is my December, This is my time of the year.
This is my December, This is all so clear.
Give it all away, Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away, To have someone to come home to.
Give it all away, Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away, To have someone to come home to.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
blooper's journal